Parodynoid
by ImSlowlyTurningIntoYou
Summary: Jack's paranoid, really paranoid, I mean like oozing of paranoidness.Anyway r
1. Parodynoid?

I do not own 24, it is solely owned by Jack Bauer, He's a good guy! I am under no duress and I am freely admitting I had no dealings with this show. (turns head to side) Can I go now? I mean, ya snapped all my phalanges and threatened to kill my lovable poopykins of a cat, and now! You're telling me you're gonna take away my prized Boston made electrically powered black coated, with a layer of hot pink bubble gum smelly sticker, home made pencil Sharpener! I want a lawyer! Huh? What are you doing ? No! Not the tickle treatment! Please! Stop! NOOOO! I'm beggin ya! BABUSHKAAAAAAA! ( Hideous screams ensue as the sound of a body is being dragged down a spooky hallway with a maniacal laugh)

**Parody..noid?**

Have you ever taken the time to wonder what life would look like through a bug? I have! Imagine a black void filled with bizarre shapes and weird flashing lights, with soft tingling noises pulsing through the air, radiating their cacophonous pleasure. To see a wasp buzzing in its strange world, free to go where it pleases. Imagine this wasp gliding down to rest its weary wings on a huge plain of dark blue. Its intent antennae scanning its resting place, but Lo! What is this? The horizon grows dark and melancholy, (Dark spiffles of orchestrated music enhances the moment) The inquisitive wasp watches in horror as a dark tempest peeps its head from the sky, its ominous movement smothering the firmament with its prolific growth! Duh duh duh! The wasp scrambles for its only way out, to fly. Its wings prepped for lift-off, the fearing wasp lunged, as the sky became more and more darkened by the tempest's increasing size. Alas…(deep sigh), it was not to be, the tempest closed off the entire horizon with its Black Cheeks of Doom! Duh duh duhm!

Jack Bauer sat on his dark blue chair with a heaving sigh, his mind bent on a very important question, "Should I shoot the idiot who's trying to narrate my life, or should I just sit here and do… tiddlywinks!. "WOOO!" shouted Jack, feeling a flinch in his chair, causing him to leap like a maniac. He turned to see what zapped him. A splat on his chair was all that showed. But Jack was no idiot. No sir! He interrogated that splat. Then he got angry at that splat. Then he got really angry at that splat. Then he took a colt 45. and shot that splat! Then he looked at the splat that was now a hole in his chair. Then he took a 44. Magnum and shot the splat that was now a hole in his chair. Then he spat at the splat that was now a hole in his chair. Then he again shot the splat that was now a hole in his chair. Then he-

Jack: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT! I (inhale) have had (exhale) a long (deep inhale) day! And I (inhale) don't (exhale) need! (inhale) your-

Chase: Hey Jack! Don't tell me you need a fix!

Jack: (Freaky voice of Death) I WILL BATHE IN YOUR BLOOD CHINNY! GWARRR!

Chase: (girly voice) Mommmmyyyyy! (Jack tackles Chase and beats the stuffing out of him)

**Five Hours Later ( Please turn off computer for duration of intermission… really.)**

Chase: I'm your partner Jack, why are you- (BAM!) My medulla oblongata! Jack! What are you doing? No! (Chainsaw sound roars up) Noooo! Hey, that tickles! Hi-hi!

(Jack cuts off Chase's arm) Wooo! Deja'vu.

Tony: (bursts through the office door) Jack, I know you're keyed up right now (Jack's face twitches) Ok maybe a little ticked, (Jack roars at the top of his lungs) Ok, you're angry.

Chase: Help me Tony One Pastromi, you're my only hope.

Jack: First, mutant killer terrorist wasps and now Star Wars! This must all be connected with the California Presidential Primary! Which, by the way I said 24 times On Day 1!

Tony: Actually it's Christmas.

Jack: Don't give me that! You're all going to federal prison for you crimes against humanity.

Chase: Who's humanity (Jack hits him in the head)

Jack: Shut up. Voices… in my head… telling me to start the Bauer Hour tm

Tony: Not the Bauer Hour!

Jack: It's the BAUER HOUR tm! That's copyright infringement. (Jack breaks Tony's ankle... again)

Tony: That hurts… again!

**Meanwhile, in the command center of CTU**

George Mason: Ahhh. (relaxes in chair) How's work comin' for ya Michelle?

Michelle: (Working on Computer) It puts bread on the table. (changes subject)

I hope Tony can find out what's wrong with Jack, he seems a bit paranoid.

George: He'll be fine, (Loud noises emit from Jack's office as George and Michelle shift uncomfortably) I was just more worried about you. Ya know… You could spend some time at my place when Tony's not around (Michelle looks away disturbed)

George: C'mon Michelle, I just want t-(BOOOOMMM! A huge explosion erupts from Jack's office as Chase lands straight on George, Michelle giggles) Ooofph! Huh? Who are you?

Chase: No! You tell me! Baldy!

Mason: I, for your information, am head of CTU! So you better- what? What happened to your arm?

Chase: Jack's in a bit of a funk, Tony said it was paranoia!

George: What? I mean! That's a shame really; we'll just have to give him some time off.

Tony: (limping toward Mason) We gotta (huffing) calm Jack down.

George: duh. (Michelle hugs Tony intimately, are they not love birds? Ahhh)

Jack: **MASON! YOU'RE NEXT!**

George:(says chokingly) Tony I'm sure you can handle it. I'll be in Hawaii if you need anything. (Jack blows through the wall and several unknown people fly through the air.)

Unknown People:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!…ghh.

George: Get Chapelle. (gulps) Hey Jack, me and uh, the guys thought you need some well earned r&r. We even have a party for you, with balloons, everybody likes balloons, right?

(Jack shoots balloons. A kid whines in the background)

George: I guess not.

What will happen to poor old George? Do you even care? Will Chapelle intervene? Will the over-burdened Jack come to his senses, or shall chaos ensue? And just why are George Mason and Chase in the same episode? I don't know either! But find out next time!


	2. Dr Phil, Monty Python, and Timbuktu

I don't own Dr. Phil or Monty python and the Holy Grail

**Dr. Phil, Monty Python and Timbuktu,… really.**

George: Jack, ok don't hurt me I'm going to be like Dr. Phil here, heh he Dr. Phil. (Jack shoots off Mason's arm)

George: Jack! I'm trying to be your friend here! Ok let's pretend that didn't happen . (Jack shoots off Mason's other arm)

George: Aghh… Let's just wipe that from our minds. We are friends, F-R-E-N-D-S

Jack: SPELLING ERROR MUST SHOOT. (Jack shoots off Mason's leg)

George: don't shoot me any more! Jack, what are you trying to do? Monty Python and The Holy Grail? (Jack shoots off Mason's last leg and mails him to Timbuktu, express.

George: I'll get you for this… (Jack shoots mailperson and mails Mason himself.)

Tony: At least there's no Mason anymore. (People smile)

People: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…ay. (Chapelle walks in.)

People & Tony: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…aw

Chapelle: According to our intelligence reports, my horoscope, and my chili con carne Jack is a terrorist and a traitor to this country.

Tony: I think he's just paranoid. (Tony gives Chapelle blank stare)

Chappelle: He's a traitor, Tony. Tony? Tony! (Tony's blank stare continues. Chapelle punches Tony in the face.)

Chapelle: Oww. (Tony is still frozen.)

Chapelle: Ok.

Michelle: Oh no! He needs his medicine. Where's his medicine. I can't find his medicine. Do you know where the medicine is? (Michelle searches frantically through a bag.)

Chapelle: Pull yourself together woman. (Chapelle shoots Michelle, but actually it was her stunt double.)

Michelle: I'm too pretty to get shot. (Everyone leaves room except for Tony (Paralyzed))

Chapelle: Chase, everyone else is occupied so get on a computer.

Chase: I have one hand.

Chapelle: Sit down or I'll shoot you. (Chase sits down) I need you to write this 200,000 word essay for my science teacher.

Chase: You're in High…

Chapelle: Shut up and write.

Chase: I only have one arm. (Chapelle shoots off Chase's other arm.)

Chapelle: Now you have none. Type with your toes.

Chase: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….oh

Chapelle: MU-HAHA-HA. (Chapelle farts.) Well, uh get working.

**SOMEWHERE IN TIMBUKTU IN AN ABANDONED SHACK THAT ACTUALLY ISN'T ABANDONED BECAUSE NINA ACTUALLY LIVES IN THAT NON-ABANDONDED SHACK THAT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABANDONED and stuff.**

**Nina**

Sorry.

Nina: Time to get the mail. (Nina walks out smelling like whale flab, her shack t has flies buzzing around everywhere. Nina opens the mailbox.)

Nina: What's this? (Nina opens the box and Mason is inside.) This must have been Jack Bauer's handy work.

George: Yeah it was. He- (Nina closes box)

Nina: Or maybe… (George pokes head out of box)

George: Or maybe… (Nina slams the box shut.)Ow! Hey! Free Anime Mangas! I love this stuff!

Now dear reader, you must ask yourself… Why did Jack send Mason to Timbuktu anyway? Is Chapelle more devilish than he appears, or is he just losing hair, or is he just plain stupid? Did the stunt double for Michelle have to die? Why is Nina even here? To die of course- oops! Forget what I said. And the final stumper, how can Mason fit in a mailbox? All secrets are revealed in the next episode. NOT REALLY! But continue to ask your self what for Pete's sakes is going on?

Chase: Who's Pete? BANG! My Appendix!

Please review.


	3. party in Timbuktu

I don't own Jeopardy or the Tom Dooley song… don't know how that got in here.

**Party in Timbuktu**

**In the White House**

Aaron Pierce: Mr. President it is no longer safe here in the White House.

Palmer: Where are we going?

Pierce: We're going to Timbuktu, sir.

Palmer: Express? (Palmer giggles and jumps up and down.)

Pierce: Yes sir.

Palmer: Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…ay (Palmer begins square-dancing.)

**CTU or Counter Terrorist Unit or Place with the Annoying Phone Ring or the PAPR or whatever.**

Edgar: Chapelle I've found satellite scan of Jack in Timbuktu.

Chapelle: Who are you anyway? (Chapelle stares at Edgar.)

Curtis: Chloe, who is this Chapelle guy?

Chloe: Oh yeah he gets shot in season 3.

Curtis, Edgar, and Chase: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…oh (Chapelle hits Chase in the head.)

Chapelle: You already know that.

Chase: Oh yeah.

Chapelle: All personnel must depart for Timbuktu immediately, the traitor Jack has been sighted, and that includes non-field agents

Edgar: Aren't we tryin to get away from Jack?

Everyone except for Chapelle: YEAHHHHHHHHHH…eh

Chapelle: The next person who says yeah. I'm going to shoot off their foot.

Chase: Yeah… (Chapelle shoot's off chase's foot.)

Chase: OWWWWWWWWWWW..weh. My metatarsus!

Chapelle: we're going to Timbuktu no matter what!

Chase: Are you sure that you don't need a fix… guh huh guh huh guh hu- (Chapelle shoots off Chase's last foot.)

Chapelle: MUA-HAHA-HA (Chapelle farts) Darn Chile Con Carne.

(Kim Bauer is getting on a plane to Los Angeles)

Kim: My Kim senses are tingling shall death and destruction follow my wake? Or will they not?

Flight dude: We are actually terrorists.

Other Terrorist: We're taking you to Timbuktu.

Kim: Not again.

Terrorist: Not really, we're just two rad dudes.

Two Rad Dudes: RAAAAADDIIIIICAAAAAAALLLLLLL… al

**Somewhere in the Timbuktu Outback**

Old British safari man's journal : _Day 255 I am waiting for the day Penelope that I can comeback and have my piece of cheesecake. Make sure you save it for me. Today I saw a wild rhinoceros and a… What is this? I think it is a wild Bauer. I will try to communicate with it…_

_I have been shot. Penelope you can have my cheesecake._

**Somewhere outside Nina's house**

Jack: I feel like shooting Nina. But where is she?( Jack stumbles through the humid African Jungle) Maybe she's in that conveniently placed shack that has white spray paint vandalized all over that says " NINA DOES'NT LIVE HERE. SHE'D RATHER LIVE IN A ROCK, UH… BY THE WAY… HAVE A BACKSTABBER-FREE DAY BAUER."

As Jack stood stunned at these marvelous words, the door to the shack blew open with Nina walking out.

Nina: (Holding Diary) "Dear Diary, I am very happy of the new sign I put out, it does wonders to keep the natives at bay, unfortunately I am starting to smell like them… oh wait… That's just the after effects of that potent goat milk the natives have been giving me, gotta cut off that stuff" huh?

Jack: Nina

Nina: Jack

Jack: Nina

Nina: Jack

Jack: Nina

Nina: Jack

Jack and Nina: …DIE! (Shooting sounds as George rolls out of the box to Jack.)

Nina: I hope you like this song Jack, I wrote it just for you (screeches with a heavy Norwegian accent that sounds like a flugel horn stuck up a cow's butt)

DOOOOHHHHH!

Hang down yer head Jack Bauer!

Hang down yer head and die

I gotcha now me flower

Looky! yer gonna fry!

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-cough! Cough! splickle splickle

Jack: Retreat! (Jack runs holding George on his back. Nina shoot's a tazer but it hits George's butt.)

George: AGHHHOOOHOOOOOOOO…wee! (Goofy cry) (Nina continues to chase Jack but trips over a log. Jack points his gun at her.)

Jack: I've been waiting for this a long time Nina. (Chapelle, Michelle, a paralyzed Tony, Edgar, Chase, Chloe, Curtis, Palmer, Wayne, Sherry, don't ask, Kim and, Two Rad Dudes show up. Jack shoots the two rad dudes.

Two Rad Dudes: AGHHHHHHHHHHH… dead.

Chapelle: Jack, don't shoot her, she might have valuable intell and then we can give her a Presidential Pardon so she can kill more innocent people. Anyway, What we're all trying to say is-

Everyone: YOU KILL TOO MANY INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!

Jack: No I don't. (Jack has a flashback.)

**What really happened in Season 1 when the Police officer died…?**

(Jack can't shoot at terrorist because the police officer is in his way.)

Jack: Get out of my way!

Police officer: Sorry. (Jack runs to the Mexican janitor.)

Jack: What happened?

Mexican Janitor: Tengo meida de

Jack: I can't understand you! (Jack shoots Mexican Janitor.)

Police officer: Why did you shoot him?

Jack: Get out of my way! (Jack shoots police officer.)

**What really happened in Season 2 with the plane…?**

Jack: George, I think you should fly. Everyone will think I was willing die on a plane that has a nuclear bomb to save America. But only a psychopath would fall for that sort of hero worship.

George: I might faint and kill thousands of people.

Jack: Too bad. (Jack throws George into the back of the plane.)

George: Stop it Jack. Guuuuuuulp… ulp

(Later) Jack: Okay George it's all yours. (Jack throws out a parachute.) Happy Trails Mason! And don't forget to write! Geronimo!...oh.

(Flashback over) Jack: then how are you still here! (Jack shoots Mason, for good measure.)

**What really happened in Season 3 with Chapelle…? **

Palmer:(Jack's on the phone with President Palmer) I know this is hard for you Jack. I need you to kill Chapelle for me

Jack: YES SIR! (Jack hangs up phone. Steps into room with Chapelle.)

Jack: I have to kill you Chapelle.

Chapelle: Jack if we find Steven Saunders- (Jack shoots Chapelle. Tony walks in.)

Tony: We've got Steven Saunders! Hooray! Jack? You killed Chapelle!

Jack: President's orders.

(Flashback ends.) Jack: Then how are you still here. (Jack shoots Chapelle for good measure.)

**What really happened in season 3 at the train station…?**

**(Police are searching passengers for terrorist.)**

Jack: This is taking too long! (Jack runs through the station shooting everybody.)

Jack: Dieeeeeeeeeeee…eh! (Jack shoots all the police officers, too, for good measure.)

Chase: None of these dead corpses has the virus bomb.

Jack: Then it's you!

Chase: Jack! I think he escaped once you started shooting everyone.

Jack: Oh.

**What really happened in season 3 at the middle school…?**

Chase: I had to strap the bomb to my arm. (Jack opens the bomb and looks at the timer. 22:00 )

(Bomb squad calls.) Jack: hello.

Bomb squad guy: Okay, do you have a red and a-

Jack: This is taking too long! (Jack breaks glass around axe with his phone.)

Chase: Jack what are you doin? (Jack lifts up axe.)

Chase: Jack? Jack! Okay now, let's think this through( Jack swings axe) Imagine how Kim will feel if you cut off my-AGHHHHHHHHH!..gie. (Jack cuts off Chase's arm and throws bomb in the refrigerator.)

**What really happened when Paul Raines died…?**

(Jack brings in wounded Chinese Scientist)

Jack: Work on this guy or I'll shooot you!

Doctor: You wouldn't. (Jack shoots Paul Raines.)

Doctor: You would.

(Jack comes out of flashback.) Jack: That doesn't prove anything. (Jeopardy producers pull up)

Jeopardy producer: Hey, how bout you guys come in our next Jeopardy tournament. (Assorted people nod their heads.)

Assorted People: Yeah… Sure… why not.

Chase: What's in it for me?

Producer: We'll give you some new limbs.

Chase: Deal.

Producer: We'll fix Tony's ankle and Jack can get a new gun.

Everybody: YEAHHHHHHHH…hoo

Now… uh… well… what do ya think? Do I have ta S-P-E-L-L it out for ya? I know you have your questions but I don't have to tell you every single one. Now go somewhere, I don't care! Just do something! And beware of Nina, and be sure to never pet a burning dog as well as always trust Jack. One more thing, Please review!


	4. Jeopardy

I do not support the use of heroin and by no means want anyone to use heroin.

I don't own 24 or Jeopardy

**Jeopardy**

Jeopardy announcer: Now on Jeopardy, Edgar Styles, Chloe O'Brian, and Curtis my man Manning.

Edgar: Yeah baby!!!

Host: Edgar you choose first.

Edgar: CTU for 600 please.

Host: Takes up too much space. (Edgar rings in.)

Edgar: What is Chloe's ego?

Host: that is incorrect. (Chloe punches Edgar as Curtis rings in.)

Curtis: What is Edgar?

Host: Correct.

Edgar: You jerk!!

Host: Pick a category Curtis.

Curtis: (Staring at Edgar.) Larger than life for 800.

**Later**

Host: Double Jeopardy!!! A Good death scene. (Curtis rings in.)

Curtis: When Mary Ann dies!!!!!!

Host: That is incorrect. (Edgar rings in.)

Edgar: When my mom dies.

Host: Tragic, but incorrect. (Chloe rings in.)

Chloe: When I shoot that guy who tries to kill me!!

Host: Correct!!!!

**Even Later**

Host: Here are the scores, Curtis and Chloe are tied at 2,000 while Edgar has zero and here is final Jeopardy. Being betrayed… (Everyone writes down the answer as the Jeopardy music plays.)

Host: Stop writing. Okay Curtis.

Curtis: Who is Mary Ann!!!? And I bet 1900.

Host: That is incorrect. Chloe?

EVERYONE!!!!!! And I bet 2000.

Host: That is incorrect.

Edgar: Chloe hanging me out to dry.

Host: That's correct, but you didn't have anything to bet so Curtis wins.

Jeopardy announcer: Today on Jeopardy, Tony Almeida,

Tony: I'm not paralyzed anymore!!!

Jeopardy announcer: Chase Edmunds,

Chase: I've got my limbs back!!!

Jeopardy announcer: and Jack Bauer!

Jack: I get a cooler gun!!!! (Jack shoots random person in the audience.)

Random person: Aghhhhhh…owie.

Host: Chase choose first.

Chase: CTU for 800.

Host: Causes frequent distractions. (Tony rings in.)

Tony: What is that annoying phone ring?

Host: I'm sorry but that is incorrect. (Jack rings in.)

Jack: Who is Kim Bauer?

Host: That is correct.

Chase: I'm taking you down old man. (Chase leaps at Jack as please stand by screen takes the place of the show.) (Jeopardy comes back to the screen. Chase has a bandaged head and is in a wheelchair.)

**Later… How many times am I gonna say this.**

Host: Okay, Jack leads Chase and Tony by 600 points and it's time for double Jeopardy. A long lasting, eternal, love.

Tony: Who is Michelle?

Host: Incorrect, Chase.

Chase: Who is Kim Bauer?

Host: Incorrect, Jack.

Jack: What is heroin baby?

Host: Correct.

**Jack leads all scorers and apparently wins the tournament.**

Host: The winner is… EDGAR STYLES. (Edgar raises his arms in the air as everyone in his immediate vicinity passes out.)

Edgar: I'm a wiener. (Suddenly some steps out of the shadows.)

Someone who stepped out of shadows: That trophy is mine. (He reveals himself as….. Chapelle.

Edgar: NOOOO! I'm not giving this up. (Chapelle pulls out a gun.)

Edgat: THUNDER FLOP!! (Edgar jumps into the air and smashes Chapelle into a pulp with his thunderific flop.)

Crowd: Gaaaaaaaaaasssppp…..cool.

So finally Edgar had won his childhood dream. But, will he still be able to protect it? Will Nina get shot? Of course, I mean you heard nothing. Will Chapelle ever recopver form the Thunder Flop? These answers next time. MUA HA HA Heh.

Wait a second their releasing a sound track of when Jack and Chase were fighting.

Jack: You want some of this little girl. (Knuckle crack.)

Chase: Oww my spline.


	5. The Last Chapter or The Bomb

I don't own Twinkies…or Jeopardy….Nope…still don't. Neither do I own Gollum or any LOTR character.

**The Next Chapter…. Probably the Last Chapter**

The entire studio was silent as Chapelle became pancake man in a single split second.

Edgar: Man that was exhausting. I need a twinke. (Jacks face contorts into the sickest grimace known to man.)

Jack: who said TUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWINNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Edgar: I think that was me Jack. (Jack lunges to Edgar in another single split second.)

Jack: I hate TWINKIES. (Edgar shrieks.)

Edgar: I…. don't… like… them either… Jack.

Jack: You probably have your pockets filled with Twinkies… TWINKIES AND WEENKERDOODLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Weenkerdoodles and Twinkies slip out of Edgar's pockets.)

Jack: TERRORIST! (Jack throws Edgar into the Host.) (Jack makes his way toward Television Star Jeopardy Tournament Weakest Link Championship Champion (or TVJTWLCC as it's called in the inner circles.))

Jack: Mine!!

Gollum: My Own!!

Jack/Gollum: My precious!!

**Somewhere Very Secretive. (2066 Wouldborroh Avenue, Boston, MA)**

Guy: Tell me where Jack Bauer is through the halls of this very secretive place.

Other Guy: (Through the halls of the secretive place.) Winning a Jeopardy Tournament.

Another Guy: The Trophy's a Nuke!

Guy: This is just like the TV show. Send in tactical team beta.

Other Guy: (Through the halls of the secretive place) BUUURRP!!!.

**Back At the Jeopardy Tournament**

Jack: After all these years of being in the Jeopardy Exclusive V.I.P. Club I finally win the tournament. MUA HA HA HA. (Door opens as little kid rolls on in…. I mean in on a bicycle)

Kid: There's a bomb in that TVJTWLCC.

Chase: What's a TVJTWLCC? (CRACK!!) My ……………….NECK!!

Jack: A TVJTWLCC is the shorthand for a Television Star Jeopardy Tournament Championship Champion. So you're saying there's a bomb in this trophy….

Wait A Second…. I Know A Title.

**The Next Chapter…. Probably the Last Chapter**

**The Bomb In The TVJTWLCC**

Kid: Yup.

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Epilogue

I don't own Wheel of Fortune.

Or When I'm sixty Four by The Beatles

**The Epilogue**

News Broadcaster: The recent explosion of the Jeopardy building has left many in question about the security. One day you're watching Wheel of Fortune and the next thing you see is letter blocks forming: stupid is as stupid does, exploding throughout the studio. Not much has been released by the TPD, but unconfirmed sources have said that President David Palmer was in the explosion. Oh well, there's always Wayne. Some things that escaped the scene are nuclear Twinkie and Weenkerdoodle wrappers. The police have released nothing on the wrappers of doom, but many people think the flammable cream of the Twinkies and Weenkerdoodles are filled with nuclear energy. This report has not been confirmed. In other news, a British zoologist's shocking Timbuktu scientific journal is found and we have his fiancé Penelope in studio. Don't change that dial. Stay on SUX.

Penelope: I was saving him some cheesecake and the next second it's all mind. I'm still a little sad. (A commercial flashes on the screen.

Commercial Guy: Next week on 64. Mack finally pops the question.

Mack: Will you still need me; will you still feed me, when I'm 64?

Commercial Guy: Will you tune in?!!!!


End file.
